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Scene: Theres been a terrible plane crash. Many passengers escaped the wreckage, only to find themselves stranded in the middle of the sea. Joe, however, was lucky enough to find himself an inflatable life raft. Just before we come in, hes invited Floyd to come on board, which he did. As we enter, April is swimming by although for some reason, it looks more like shes trying to direct a motor boat.
Joe: Ahoy there! Hows it going?
April: Oh, Hi! Not bad!
Joe: Hey, that was a pretty awful plane crash. As you can see, theres lots of room on this raft. You want to jump in?
April: Oh, no, thats OK. As you can see, Im lucky enough to have my own boat. Its a Zodiac with an outboard motor!
Floyd: (Taps Joe on the shoulder) Uh, I dont see a boat.
Joe: Uh, me either. Um, I dont mean to pry, but it seems to me like youre just treading water.
April: What are you talking about? Im doing just fine in my boat! Thanks for the offer, but Ill be just fine on my own! (jets off.)
Joe: Wait! Theres sharks! (pause, looking off the way April left) Oh! No! You hate to see that!
Floyd: Wow. I think those sharks just proved there wasnt any boat.
Joe: Yeah, I think so. Ouch!
Joe: Hey there! Theres room in this raft!
Barb: Oh, no, no. I havent got time for a raft. Way too much to do today!
Joe: Too much to do?!
Barb: Oh, yes, Im very busy. Gotta hair appointment at 3. And then theres a wedding shower in the evening Oh man, I havent got a gift yet, so Ill have to shop for that. Then I have to feed the cat she hates being cooped up all day too. And then theres a job interview on Monday morning. Oh yes, Im much too busy.
Joe: (incredulous) A hair appointment? Um, in case you havent noticed, there was a huge plan crash and youre in the middle of the ocean without a boat.
Barb: Look, I cant let a little think like a plan crash distract me. Ive got much too much to do. Thanks for the offer, but Ive gotta make some time here. (swims off.)
Joe: (watching her go.) Oh! No! Oh, thats gonna leave a mark!
Floyd: I dont think shes going to make her hair appointment.
Joe: No, I dont think she will. (Turns to F, sitting behind him, and squints at him.) Um, Floyd, about that shirt youre wearing. Is that sequins all over it? Its making my eyes hurt.
Floyd: Oh no, not sequins, razor blades! This is my razor suit! This is the outfit that says Dont mess with me! I am one tough guy!
Joe: (incredulous, again. He spends a lot of time being incredulous.) Razor suit? But why? Uh, is it so the sun will glint off it and signal the rescue plane?
Floyd: Oh, no, its just to cut stuff with.
Joe: Floyd, I dont know quite how to say this, but were on a life raft. An *inflatable* life raft. The only thing youre likely to cut around here is the boat. Which would probably make us die, seeing as we dont have a patch kit. Why dont you just take that thing off and toss it overboard. Here, Ill trade you for this life vest.
Floyd: Take it off? No way, man! This is my razor suit! Besides, it wouldnt be environmentally friendly. I mean, you know how you always have to cut up those little plastic rings that come on your six-packs so they dont strangle birds or turtles? This would be even worse for the fish!
Joe: Floyd, look, its either the fish or us. Youre going to have to decide.
Floyd: Youre kidding, right?
Joe: No, man. We cant have that thing on our boat.
Floyd: You know, youre really starting to vex me. Fine, Ill just get out of the boat. Ill make it on my own! (Jumps off)
Joe: Wait, Floyd! (watches) Oh, you Hate to see that! Wow, he was right about the fish though. I dont think Ive ever seen the inside of a shark. Yuck!
Joe: Hey there! Hows it going?
Candy: Oh, you know, not so good. I mean aside from the fact Im stuck in the middle of the ocean and all I know is the dog paddle, its fine.
Joe: Hey, Ive got lots of room on this raft for some reason. Why dont you jump in?
Candy: Uh, arent you that guy from first class?
Joe: Well, yeah, but
Candy: Cause I dont know if its OK for me to mix with the likes of you. See, I fly baggage.
Joe: Thats irrelevant. Cmon, jump in!
Candy: You sure? Cause the stewardess made it pretty clear we werent welcome when she shut that curtain in my face.
Joe: Dont be silly! There is plenty of room on this raft. Just get in before the sharks get you!
Candy: Well, if youre really OK with someone like me
(gets in, and sits right next to Joe, practically in his lap.)
Joe: Uh, this is a pretty big boat.
yeah. (chastened. Moves aside a ways.) Ill just sit over here
Don: Dude! You in the raft! Pick me up!
Joe: Sure, uh, Dude. Come on over! Theres plenty of room!
Don: (Hooks an arm over the raft.) Wow, Im sure glad you came along. Im staring to get tired. (Starts to climb in, catches sight of Candy.)
Don: Whoa, wait a minute dude. I thought this was gonna be, like, yknow, a *dudes* raft.
Joe: Uh, what do you mean?
Don: Well, thats a pretty feminine looking dude, if you catch my drift.,
Candy: (waves) Hi!
Joe: No, shes a lady all right.
Don: Oh, thats not good dude. Women on any kind of vessel are Bad Luck!
Joe: What are you talking about?
Don: Well, look, they let women on the plane, right? And now the planes in the water!
Joe: Um, Im pretty sure thats a coincidence.
Don: Look, if it was just us dudes, we could talk about football and barbeque, and Nascar!
Joe: I hate Nascar.
Don: Oh, youre losing me dude. I think Ill wait for the next raft. Thanks anyway! (swims off.)
Joe: (watches a minute.) Oh, no! (puts hands over Candys eyes) Dont look! You dont want to see that! Oh, thats terrible! I dont feel so well I think Im going to be sick! (heaves over the side of the raft.)
Candy: Wow, is that what they eat in first class? No wonder!
Joe: Just dont look!
Evelyn: Hey, nice boat youve got there!
Joe: Yeah, and weve got plenty of room. Jump in!
Evelyn: No, no, got it all under control. Gonna go build my own boat.
Joe: Build you own? Out of what?
Evelyn: Oh, theres lots of good wreckage smoldering over there by those dorsal fins.
Joe: Wreckage?! Uh, arent you bleeding pretty bad from your arm wound?
Evelyn: Oh, dont worry, that wont slow me down.
Joe: But isnt that some plane shrapnel sticking out?
Evelyn: (contemplates it.) Could be. No big deal.
Joe: Look, you really ought to climb on board!
Evelyn: No, no, thanks for the offer, really, but Ill just be moving on. Gotta learn to be independent. (paddles off.)
Joe: (watching, as usual.) Oh, wow. Ouch! Wait, I think shes gonna make it! She ripped that piece of shrapnel out of her arm and used it to kill the shark! Oh no. Hes got a brother. They hate it when you kill their siblings! This is Not pretty!
Candy: Yeah, maybe we ought to start paddling. (Grabs an oar.) Row, row, row your boat, whyre we going in circles? (load and off key. Joe, in horror at her singing starts to climb overboard.)
Joe: Look! Look! Land! Theres an island right there! Why didnt we see that before?! (sits back down. A little under his breath) Phew, thought it was gonna be the singing or the sharks there for a minute.
Candy: Oh, great! Lets row faster! Row, row, row your boat!
Joe: No, no, you dont have to sing anymore the lands right there!
Candy: (Under her breath.) Smite you, buddy. (Softer) Row, row, row your boat!