The Trip to Bethlehem
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(brief note on the characters: Edna and Mary arent really listening to or playing off of one another with rare exceptions. Theyre both wrapped up in their own little worlds, with Marys irritation growing as the skit progresses. Joseph is the responder of the group.)
(Mary, who should be riding the donkey - who is on all fours - dismounts.)
Mary: I am not riding this stupid donkey another kilometer!
Edna: Kilometer? Cubits are Biblical!
Mary: I dont care what you call em, I am not riding this donkey any further! Joseph, arent we there yet?
Joseph: No, its another 10 miles. You ought to be riding that donkey Mary, in your condition.
Mary: Dont you tell me about my condition. If you were so worried about that, why are you dragging me to Bethlehem?
Edna: Its just such a hot day. This would be so much nicer, say, in mid-winter.
Mary: I cant believe youre taking me 90 miles from home with nothing but a donkey. We should have a cart.
Joseph: (rolls his eyes and turns his head away from Mary, mouthing the next line w/ her shes clearly been down this path several times today)
Mary: Everyone else has a cart!
Joseph: You know we cant afford a cart. Its your own fault for marrying a carpenter!
Mary: My fault? You know good and well this is an arranged marriage society!
Edna: Arranged marriages are Biblical!
Edna: Its just that its so dusty and sandy down here on the roadbed when the carts pass you. I wore my glasses today to keep out the sand, but its not working.
Joseph: I should think youd be enjoying all this walking it being so Biblical and all!
Edna: Oh sure, but when Moses led us out over the dessert at least there was food! Mana from heaven every day! In fact, you know what would be good right now? A great big juicy Sinai Kosher hot dog!
Joseph: You know, you are a distant relative. And right now that distance is sounding awfully good.
Mary: Why do your stupid relatives have to be from Bethlehem anyway? If they were from, say, Nazareth wed have been there by now.
Joseph: Oh come on Mary, you know that were both of the house and line of David. Remember, the greatest king of Israel?
Mary: Fat lot of good being in his line is doing us now. We cant even afford a pair of donkeys!
Edna: And it should have sauerkraut. Lots of sauerkraut.
Joseph: What do you want with two donkeys? Youre not even riding the one weve got now!
Edna: And onions!
Mary: And lets talk about Bethlehem itself. Its a hole. A nowhere! That town rolls up its streets at 5 oclock. Nothing to do in the evenings.
Edna: And some really nice deli mustard maybe even Gray Pupon!
Mary: That is not the point. (stopping dead and putting her hands on her hips.) The point is that Im pregnant, Im tired, Im dusty, Im hungry, and I have had it with this trip. Why are we doing this anyway? Cant anyone tell me why were going to Bethlehem?!?
Donkey: (after a beat.) I can tell you Mary. (stands up and proceeds to center stage.) Lights, please. (in a conscious Linus imitation watch Charlie Browns Christmas again if need-be!) But you, Bethlehem Ephratha, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be a ruler over Israel. (turning to Mary) Mary, God is delivering a great gift through you, and thats why were going to Bethlehem. (gets back on all fours and walks off)
Mary: Did you just see what I think I saw?
Joseph: Err, yes, I think so.
Edna: You know, talking donkeys are Biblical.
All Three: Hmmmm