The Baseball Fan

Actors: 4
Reference: 1 Peter 3:15

Full Script

Scene: A baseball fan is sitting in a park, chanting cheers for his favorite team (The Orioles!) He is clutching a pre-season guide, and clearly enjoying himself greatly.

Person 1: (just happening to walk by, notices Baseball Fan's odd behavior.) What are you doing?

Baseball Fan: Oh! I'm cheering for my favorite team - the Orioles! Can't you tell?

Person 1: (Looking around, still seeing no game) Oh. I guess you must have one of those little ear-bud radios

Baseball Fan: Uh, no

Person 1: Anyway, I'm a Yankees fan myself. Gonna go all the way this year!

Baseball Fan: No way man! The Orioles are going to win the series! See? Says right here in my pre-season guide! (gestures to his pamphlet)

Person 1: Pre-season guide? Uh, I don't know how to say this, but it's August! What about how they're playing right now? I mean, havent you been to any of their games?

Baseball Fan: No, why would I do that?

Person 1: Well, you've seen them on TV, then. Read their stats in the paper?

Baseball Fan: Uh, no. I don't need to. I've got my pre-season guide, and it says they're going to win, and that's enough for me! You just gotta have faith! Hey, wouldn't you rather be an Orioles fan? I mean, you know they're going to take the pennant!

Person 1: (getting agitated) You mean you havent been to a game, haven't seen any games, and don't have any idea how they're playing, and you still think they're going to win on the authority of a pre-season guide? And you want ME to become a fan too? You've got to be crazy.

Baseball Fan: I'm not crazy, I just trust my team. You should to, you know!

Person 1: I'm getting out of here. Look, I know the Yankees are a few games back, but they'll make 'em up - I'm sure of it. And I don't need no pre-season guide to tell me, either! (walks off in a huff.)

Baseball Fan: (Watching him go) How unenlightened. Ah well, he'll learn he's wrong soon enough. (back to his cheers.) Go Orioles! Go Orioles! Goooooooo Orioles! (etc.)

Person 2: (Walking on from the other direction.) Oh, are you a baseball fan too?

Baseball Fan: Yeah! I sure am!

Person 2: (sits down next to him) That's cool! I just recently decided I ought to get into baseball, but to be perfectly honest, I dont really have any idea which team to root for - there are so many to choose from! Which one is your favorite?

Baseball Fan: Oh, that's easy! It's the Orioles all the way. They're going to win the World Series this year!

Person 2: Oh yeah? I did hear they won their last game on the radio this morning.

Baseball Fan: They have that stuff on the radio?

Person 2: Um, Yes. (beginning to wonder if he's all there) Right after the weather. So, what's their record like, anyway? I'll bet you go to all their games.

Baseball Fan: Never been to one. I dont actually know their record either, but the thing of it is, you see - is that I've got this pre-season guide, and it say's they're going to win! I dont need to see any of the games - just have faith!

Person 2: (developing serious doubts, but giving it another try) The pre-season guide? OK. Well, so tell me whats so great about the Orioles aside from their theoretical winning season?

Baseball Fan: (Floundering) Well, uh, they're got great team colors - uh, brown and orange I think - yeah - see, here's a picture in the pre-season guide! And, and, they've got some good players too, I think. Yeah, see this picture right here? He's like one of the best pitchers in the league according to this article!

Person 2: I think he's on the injured list actually.

Baseball Fan: Oh, really? That's too bad. Say, maybe I could get you one of these pre-season guides and we could meet here to root together for their next game - it says its in Cleveland next Wednesday!

Person 2: Uh, thanks, but no. I think I just saw a guy in a Yankee's T-shirt over there - if you'll excuse me, I think Ill go talk to him now! (escapes)

Baseball Fan: There goes another one. What's with people these days? Oh well. Go Team Go! S-wing batta batta batta!

Person 3: (walks on, sees Baseball Fan, looks at him like he's crazy) What are you doing?

Baseball Fan: Oh, I'm rooting for the Orioles, can't you tell? They're gonna win it all this season!

Person 3: I had to ask. I mean, I generally make a point of avoiding people who sit on park benches talking to themselves, and when I do differently, it turns out they're baseball fans!

Baseball Fan: Oh, so you don't like the Orioles, do you? You really ought to - according to this pre-season guide, they're the team to watch!

Person 3: (with venom) The Orioles! Fah! Baseball has got to be the biggest waste of time ever invented! It's a crutch for weak minds! Aan opiate for the people! You wouldn't catch me near a baseball game if my life depended on it!

Baseball Fan: You really feel that way? I mean, baseball's really important to me. Are you sure you wouldn't like a pre-season guide? It's got some great articles on the meaning of baseball!

Person 3: (condescending, backing away) No, no, you keep your guide. I mean, if baseball makes you feel good, if it works for you, than I that's just fine. But I don't want anything to do with it! (backs off stage)

Baseball Fan: (Shouts after her) You! You just don't have enough faith! Oh well, not everyone can be as enlightened as me. S-wing batta batta batta, swing! Oooooh! That was a great hit!