Wages

Actors: 5
Reference: Romans 3:23
Notes: This is a great evangelistic skit, and one of my personal favorites.
We pulled it off once with only two actors - one played all of the workers. We also added a character named "Paul Crastinator" who simply put off signing up for the Plan until it was too late.

Full Script

Scene: The stage contains a desk and chair. A telephone and bell are optional, but may be mimed. A large book sits on the desk. Officer (Preferably a man) sits behind the desk, talking on the telephone. Three "Doors" must exist: one into the "payroll office," one leading to "death" and the other leading to "life." Others wait off stage.

Indy: (Walks on stage, rings bell or says "Excuse me.").

Officer: (To the telephone) Just a minute, Barb. (To Indy) May I help you?

Indy: Uh, yeah. Is this the payroll office? They told me to come here for my wages.

Officer: Yes, this is the Life Company Payroll Office. May I have you name sir?

Indy: Pendant.

Officer:(riffles through the large book. Mumbling) Paulson, Peebody, Pemberton, ah yes, there you are. Indy Pendant. Oh my, this isn't good. According to your records, you're still under option "A." You never accepted the Founder's free gift.

Indy: Yeah, well, I've always been kinda my own person. I figured I didn't really need any free gift - I can make it on my own. Just do my job and let them sort it out in the payroll office.

Officer: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way because the thing of it is - and there is a thing - is that according to your record here, you'll need to go through that door over there to draw your wages - see it? Its the one marked "Death."

Indy: Bummer.

Officer: Yes, rather. But there's no help for it now, Mr. Pendant, so if you'll just walk through that door...

Indy: If you say so. (heads for the door.) Hey, what's that sound?

Officer: That would be "gnashing of teeth."

Indy: Ewww, sounds bad.

Officer: Yeah. There ought to be some weeping too.

Indy: Ahh, there it is! Well, thanks for your help.

Officer: No problem. Thank you for being so cooperative, and, I'm sorry I won't be seeing you again.
(Indy proceeds off stage and Officer goes back to his telephone conversation) Sorry 'bout that. So, you'd like us at the life company to use your long distance service? Hmm... (etc.)

Justin: (Walks in and looks around, appearing somewhat lost.)

Officer: Just a minute, Barb. (To Tyme) May I help you?

Justin: Um, I don't know. Is this the payroll office?

Officer: Yes, sir. May I have your name?

Indy: Tyme, sir.

Officer: (Riffles through the book again) Ah, here you are. Justin Tyme. Oh, very good. It seems you've choosen to accept the Founder's free gift. Whoops, I just smeared your record - ink's still wet!

Justin: Yes, I just signed it a few days ago.

Officer: Well, no matter. Mr. Tyme, it is my pleasure to direct you to the "Life" door where you will be initiated as an eternal associate of the Life Company.

Justin: But I've only worked here for a couple of days! I really still get to go through that door?

Officer: Absolutely. The Founder made it a special clause that anyone - anyone at all - who choose to accept his free gift would get to go through the "Life" door, no matter what.

Justin: Wow! Well, thanks very much for your help sir! Will I be seeing you again?

Officer: I can guarantee it! Have a nice eternity!

(Justin exits and The Officer again goes back to his telephone conversation with the long distance lady.)

Fara: (Struts in and arrogantly rings the bell several times) Ahhem!

Officer: (Tiredly) Just a moment, I've got another customer. May I help you, Ma'am?

Fara: Well I certainly hope so! This is the payroll office, is it not? (Looks around and sniffs) Although it is a bit stuffy

Officer: Yes ma'am it is. Our fans went out a couple weeks ago and we haven't had them replaced. May I have your name?

Fara: Certainly. I'm Fara. Fara See.

Officer: (Searches his book again) Ah , there you are, Ms. See. I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm afraid you never accepted option "B," the Founder's free gift.

Fara: Oh, no, of course not! I've never believed in taking gifts from anyone. Its just a cop-out - an attempt to get out of some good, honest work! And I believe you can see by my record that I've worked harder than just about anyone!

Officer: Yes, I can see you've been very active. Contributed to the Hungry Children's guild, attended Company meetings regularly, even handed out Life Company flyers.

Fara: Yes, and I'm proud to say that no one in the company has handed out more than I! So surely you can see I have no need of any free gift.

Officer: Well I'm sorry Ma'am, but I'm afraid you do. There are a couple of black marks on your record here - says you, ahem, cheated on your time card a couple of times.

Fara: (Looks embarrassed.) Oh, well, that! I didn't think anyone had noticed!

Officer: Only the Founder, Ma'am. And it also says you spread some false rumors about your best friend. And that you fudged on your taxes, and that your lied to your husband about a certain business trip that...

Fara: (Cuts in) Just what do you mean by bringing all that out, young man? Yes, I've made a few mistakes, but I think if you line me up on a scale with all the other Life Company employees, I'll come out well in the top. And besides, certainly all the good things I've done weigh out those little errors!

Officer: I'm sorry, Ms. Fee, but that's just not the way it works.. You see, there are only two ways to get through that door. One is to live a perfect life - with no mistakes. Of course, no one has ever done that but the Founder. The only other way is to accept the free gift the Founder offers to all His employees, and you didn't do that. So if you will come with me....
(Officer rises and escorts a protesting Fara to the "Death" door.)

Fara: But wait! That door is hot! They told us never to open a door that was hot to the touch!

Officer: (sadly) I can guarantee this will be the last time.

(Fara finally goes through the door, and Officer gets back to his long-delayed discussion with the long distance lady. Faith enters hesitantly and looks around, appearing quite lost and confused. Officer finally notices)

Officer: Yes, may I help you?

Faith: I'm not really sure. I don't think I'm in the right place.

Officer: This is the Life Company Payroll Office.

Faith: Oh, well then I must have made a mistake! I was heading for Personnel. Sorry to have bothered you sir, I'll just head back.

Officer: No, no I'm sorry but no one comes here by accident. You can't leave this office until you've collected your wages.

Faith: You mean this is it? (Looks a bit dazed.)

Officer: Yes Ma'am, it is. May I have your name?

Faith: (Distractedly) Its Faith. Faith Servant. (Officer thumbs through his book.) I was just on my way to the cafeteria in Personnel to talk to some friends about the Founder's gift.

Officer: Oh, so you've accepted it yourself then.

Faith: Yes, of course!

Officer: Very good. Ah, here's your record. (blows off some dust) Yes, very good, you did accept the gift some 27 years ago. Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to reassure you that the Founder picked up your wages quite some time ago and is now pleased to welcome into eternity as an associate of the Life Company.

Faith: Oh my! Is that handle made out of a diamond?

Officer: Absolutely. And I believe you'll find the path is paved with gold. The Founder Himself will be waiting for you just around the corner - have a nice eternity!

Faith: Thank you! Thank you very much!

Officer: No, thank you! (Picks up the telephone.) Hey! She hung up on me! Oh well, I guess I'll catch up with her when she comes through payroll.

The End





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