The Used Car Lot

Actors: 5
Reference: Genesis 20:2

Full Script

Scene: The Kingdom of Used Cars lot. Judith, the owner, surveys the place with Jenny, her daughter.

Jenny: Oh boy! I can hardly believe it! My first day selling cars on my own!

Judith: Yes, you've earned it. And remember, soon you will be inheriting this who lot, lock, stock, and barrel. I'll be working on the paperwork today while you sell cars. Just be sure to remember what I taught you!

Jenny: Oh yes, I will. "Always keep the cars shining like new, the lot swept clean, and treat the customers like royalty."

Judith: Yes, yes, but what is the most important rule for selling cars? You remember, don't you?

Jenny: Uh, yeah, sure, its.....

Judith: Tell the truth, Jenny! Always tell the Truth! You'll never go wrong as long as you remember that!

Jenny: (doubtfully) Oh, yeah, sure Mom. Oh! I see a customer over there! My very first!

Judith: I'll just get up to my office and start on that paperwork! (Moves to the rear of the stage and mimes signing papers. Judith heads over to the customer)

Jenny: (In her best, salesman voice) Good morning sir, and Welcome to the Kingdom of Used Cars! I see you're checking out our 1975 Volvo - an excellent car, one of my favorites! May I answer any questions?

Cust. 1: (Startled, a little taken aback.) Well, yes, actually. Can you tell me any peculiarities about this car? Does it really have 85K on it?

Jenny: (Pauses, Stares back and forth between the odometer and her dealer's packet, warring with her conscience.) Yes sir, it most certainly does.

Cust. 1: (Looks doubtful)

Jenny: (Reading from her packet) Actually, the engine is a little tired, too, and the tires are old, but... (entirely departs from her packet) One of the most interesting facts about this car is that its previous owner was Mario Andretti! Drove it for years - could hardly bear to give it up. But he gave it to us at a real steal and we're passing it on you!

Judith: (Eavesdropping through an open window, gasp, looks horrified.)

Cust. 1: (Incredulously) Mario Andretti? Seriously!

Jenny: Scout's Honor!

Cust. 1: Well, I'm sure glad you told me about that - I mean, I certainly don't want to buy a racer's old car! I mean, I've seen how they drive! This thing is probably full of all sorts of problems!

Jenny: (Sputters!)But! But! He took excellent car of it - had his mechanics look at it -

Cust. 1: (Determined) No, Miss, I'm real glad you told me. Saved me some grief. I'll just head on down to Fairly Honest Bob's lot now. (Walks off shaking his head. Jenny, crestfallen retreats.)

Judith: (Hurries from her office to confront Jenny) Jenny! I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but my window was open! What were you doing? Mario Andretti? You know full well we got that car from Mr. Walker!

Jenny: But he looked like he was probably a race fan! How was I supposed to know he didn't know how well they treat their cars?

Judith: You weren't! That's the point. You were supposed to tell the TRUTH! If you'd just stuck to the facts, you would have made the sale! Look, there's another customer looking at the MG. I'm going back to my office and I'll just leave my window open a crack. Now do better with this one - (Pointedly) I've still got a lot of papers to sign!

Jenny: Alright Mom, I'll do better on this one. (Goes over to Cust. 2) Good morning, Ma'am, and Welcome to the Kingdom of Used Cars!

Cust. 2: Oh, I just LOVE this MG! It reminds me of one my best friend owned back in High School!

Jenny: Yes! This is a great car -

Cust. 2: Looks to be in almost mint condition except for the interior - very rare for a car of this age!

Jenny: Oh, yeah, the interior does need work, but the rest is in mint condition - and better!

Cust. 2: Better?

Jenny: Absolutely - see those bumpers? They came off a Cadillac!

Cust. 2: (Face falls)

Jenny: (Not noticing) Yeah - and the wheels are from a Porsche!

Cust. 2: A Porsche! They look so original! Oh, I'm so glad you told me! I wanted to restore this car - one of my hobbies, you see- but I certainly don't want one without original parts! I'm rather embarrassed I didn't notice it myself. Thanks for saving me from a dumb mistake! (retreats)

Jenny: But - But!

Judith: (Storms from her office) Jenny! What were you doing! A Porsche? A blind man could tell you those wheels didn't come off a Porsche!

Jenny: But Mom! She didn't look like a antique car restorer! I mean, how many women restore cars?

Judith: (Sternly) Jenny, if you'd told the truth, you'd have made the sale. Remember, you are going to inherit this entire car lot - but if you won't tell the truth about our cars, than you're no better than Fairly Honest Bob down there - and our customers will know the difference! Now, I'm going to go back to my office and listen to you do the next customer - and it better be right!

Jenny: (discouraged) Alright Mom, I'll do it right. Even if it looses me the sale, I'll tell the truth.

Judith: That's the spirit. Here comes someone now. (Retreats to her office)

Jenny: (Somewhat more subdued than before) Good morning sir, and Welcome to the Kingdom of Used Cars. May I help you?

Cust. 3: Yeah - I'm looking at this Volvo here. It looks like the tires are a little worn.

Jenny: You know, you're right. The tires need to be replaced. (Makes her decision.) And what's more, the thing of it is...

Cust. 3: And there is a thing?

Jenny: Yeah, there is. This car has got a lot of miles on it. I know the odometer only says 85 thousand, but its really 185 thousand. Rolled it over. Mr. Walker drove it a lot of years - but he took good care of it and it's got a solid engine!

Judith: (From her office, gives the thumbs-up sign)

Cust. 3: You know, I really appreciate your honesty. I never would have questioned that odometer. But I don't want a new car - just a reliable one. You know, you probably won't believe this, but earlier this morning someone down at Fairly Honest Bob's tried to sell me a car they said used to belong to Mario Andretti!

Jenny: (Laughing Nervously) Mario Andretti. Heh heh! That's pretty silly, alright!

Cust. 3: You know, I like your style. I'd like you to pick the four best cars on this lot for me and I'll buy 'em from you!

Jenny: FOUR cars? Really?!?

Cust. 3: Yeah. I've got quadruplets turning 18 next week, and they all need something to drive.

Jenny: Well then, you have some to the right place. First of all, lets look at this Volvo......(trails off, leading C3 off stage, waving at Judith and grinning from ear to ear)

Judith: (Grinning and waving back at Jenny, signs the last paper with a flourish.)

The End