Gameshow

Actors: 3
Reference: Genesis 13
Notes: It would be nice to have a podium or at least a music stand for both Salty and Sara.
An inexperienced actress should be able to play the part of Sara, but you probably need experienced hams for Pat and Salty.

Full Script

Scene: The stage at a game show. Salty and Sara are either seated or standing behind a podium stage left. Off to their right is an invisible "soundproof" booth. The "prizes" are located at several spots around the stage - some should be in front, while the "barren wasteland" is stage rear. Pat Yurback (get it?) is front and center, miming a microphone.

Pat: (in a really annoying game-show voice...think Jim Carry!) Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to "Pick Your Prize," the game show where contestants get to fight for first! Im your host, Pat Yurback, and tonights show should be especially interesting, because our contestants are related! (crossing to Salty and shoving the microphone in her face) Isnt that right Salty?

Salty: (very hyper and giggly) Oh, yes, Pat! This is my Aunty Sara! Well, actually shes my husband Lots aunt, but she lets me call her "Aunty" too!

Pat: Isnt that nice? Well, "Aunty" Sara, why dont you tell us a little about your unusual family circumstances?

Sara: (relaxed, if not stoic) Well, Pat, a number of years ago, God told my husband Abram to leave Ur of the Chaldes for a land, that as he said, "he would show him." So, we packed up the family and left. Weve been living in tents and ever since!

Pat: Living in tents, huh?

Salty: Oh yes, its been awful! I mean, sure, weve got flocks and herds and servants and everything, but the ground can be so hard!

Pat: I can imagine! Well, I think we have some prizes tonight that may tempt you! (wink wink) Let me introduce you to them! (makes his way to stage right - this, by the way, would be a great place to add a co-host if you have the actors)

Pat: First, we have here a brand new air conditioned tent!

Salty: (Jumping up and down) Oh, look, Aunty Sara! Air conditioning!

Pat: (ignoring her theatrics) Perfect for those trips to the dessert, this beauty will keep you cool day and night. No more expensive servants to keep those fans moving, just a flick of a switch and youll have a perfect 68 degrees in no time!

Salty: Ohboyohboyoboy!

Pat: Next, we have here an in-ground swimming pool! For those hot, dry summer days when even your air-conditioning cant keep you cool, a quick dip in this baby will feel like heaven itself!

Salty: Oh wow! I havent been swimming since Ur!

Pat: Next, we have a top-of-the-line, luxury model Land Rover! Truly the SUV of the future, this beauty will have you traveling the desert in style. No more lumpy camel rides for the owner of this vehicle! The ultra-smooth suspension, four-wheel drive, and, of course, air-conditioned cabin will make you the envy of all your neighbors!

Salty: Oh boy! Lot would absolutely adore that car!

Pat: And finally, last and certainly least, we have this barren wasteland!

Salty: (wrinkling her nose) Ewww. Who would want that?!

Pat: Well, thats for you two to decide. Weve now come to the part of the game where you get to decide who chooses her prizes first. Remember, theres just one condition: whoever goes first must leave at least one prize for her opponent! Now, for your privacy, we have a sound proof, perfectly opaque booth for you to use. Well just go to a commercial break while you to come to an agreement! (wink wink) (Ushers Sara and Salty into the booth.)

Pat: (Turns to audience) Now, what our contestants dont know is that I made up the part about the booth being sound-proof - we get to hear every word they say! Plus, those walls are really made up two-way mirrors! This is going to be great!

Salty: (down on her knees) Oh, Aunty Sara, please please puh-leeze let me choose first!

Sara: OK.

Salty: But Aunty Sara, I NEED to go first! Ive just gotta have that air-conditioned tent!

Sara: All right, you may go first.

Salty: Aunty Sara, its not fair! Uncle Abrams been dragging us around this stupid dessert for years! Youve got to let me go first! I promise Ill leave you the car - I mean the swim - uh, something good!

Sara: Salty, I said you could go first.

Salty: But Aunt Sara.... What? I can go first?

Sara: Yes, you can go first.

Salty: All right! Whoopee! Air-Conditioning, here I come!

Pat: (moving toward the "door") Well, audience, I think theyve come to a decision. Lets see what happens next! (opens door) Are you two ready?

Salty: Oh yes! Im going to go first! (running towards "set") First Ill take the air-conditioned tent, cause it gets really hot out there in the dessert, and then Ill take the Land Rover cause I really hate the smell of camels, and then...

Pat: Whoa, wait a minute! Slow down there Salty. Remember, its customary to leave at least some prizes for your opponent - and the rules do say you must leave at least one!

Salty: (wringing her hands) Oh, I know, Pat, but Ive just got to have that swimming pool! It gets so dry out there! (turning pleadingly toward Sara) Ill share it with you, Aunt Sara! We live so close together you can come over and use it any time!

Pat: Alrighty then , Salty, have you made your choices?

Salty: Yes. Ill take the Tent, and the Land Rover, and the Pool please.

Pat: And you're leaving the barren wasteland for your Aunt?

Salty: (guiltily) Yes. (defensively) You know Uncle Abram is so rich anyway - he could probably get any of those things for her if he wanted to!

Pat: Well, I'm not so sure of that, Salty. I forgot to tell you there are a few conditions that go with those prizes of yours. You see, we had to put that swimming pool near a big city so we could use their water supply - and it looks like your new neighbors got jealous! (pointing toward pool) Seems that they wanted to use it themselves, but our faithful guards kept them out. Oh my - theyre back, and theyve just dumped a load of garbage and camel dung in it! Oh no, I dont think youll be wanting to swim in that!

Salty: Oh no! My precious pool! Pat, youve got to stop them!

Pat: Sorry, too late, Salty. Uh oh, looks like theres trouble with your Land Rover! When we went to start it the engine it caught on fire! Must have been that low-grade gasoline we used - its so hard to find a good gas station in Canaan!

Salty: (Sobbing) My car! Oh, my poor car! I hate camels! Oh, at least I still have my air-conditioned tent!

Pat: Well, Salty, I hate to kick you when youre down, but Im afraid you wont be getting much use out of that air-conditioner, because electricity hasnt been invented yet! Youll have to wait, oh, five or six thousand years! Sorry!

Salty: (still sobbing) Oh no! I didnt think of that! Why did you do this to me, Aunt Sara? You knew this was going to happen! At least your barren wasteland will appreciate in value!

Pat: Thats a good question, Sara. Why did you let Salty choose first? I hate to break a confidence, but the audience and I kind of listened in to your conversation in the booth. (Salty looks horrified) You seemed to give in awfully easily. Did you know all the fancy prizes would, er, go up in smoke?

Sara: Why Pat, you know the answer to that! Of course I didnt know there was anything wrong with Saltys prizes. But you told me privately before the show that I would be receiving a wonderful prize no matter what order I chose. So I decided I may as well let my niece go first. I trusted you - or rather your boss, I should say.

Pat: Well folks, you can see that a little trust goes a long way. That wasteland may look barren, but as we all know, it will be the home of a great nation one day - and you can bet they wont be forgetting Sara or her husband. Salty, Im afraid, has a more - uh - seasoned future. Well, thats all folks. Thanks for watching, and be sure to tune in next time to "Pick your Prize" when we pit Samson against a horde of Philistines! (all exit)